I’ve been living my life offline for several weeks and now I don’t feel obliged to post just to get this blog rolling.
So 2012 is couple of hours away and it definitely is a year of self analysis and maturity building experiences. The second half of the year was the highlight; new job, new friends, new trials and it was all worth it. The only thing frustrating up to this moment, is this person, whom until now has kept me hanging on a cliff – worst way to end the year, thinking about that person, contemplating on our relationship, mulling over what will happen to “us” in the coming year. But I’d rather not dwell on that, it deserves its own post.
Being hard on oneself has its own perks I’ve come to realize actually. I’ve created higher standards for myself without compensating on humility and filling up ones ego. I’ve learned not to take myself so seriously that I actually committed mistakes that regret didn’t follow suit; and not letting go too much with the awareness that hard work is still key to success. Expectations for the coming year is high, living more is the mindset that I want to carry on up to the next, ’cause when I do, that’s when heartache, work, and all sorts of problems vanish in a split second. I don’t have a bullet form of things I want to achieve, I just want to be surprised in the most positive way possible, because I know I deserve better, I’ve lived my year with optimism and no hate spread – just hoping for the better.
I don’t gamble; maybe that’s why, still, there are so many fleeting words trapped in this unstable head of mine. In lieu of blurting out my affection, I’ve kept it all inside and let it kill me gradually.
Feeling down, like the darkest sheep of the herd; an outcast – a disgrace. Those days wherein you just wanted to cruise along where the narrow hollow streets of the city leads you. Forget everything that compels you to think back and gravitate to a life that’s stagnant or uninspired. Just salting the wound, not whining nor grieving, only stale emotion clouding my thoughts.
Slowly, surely, getting the niche back. Success is perseverance. Better not make youth as an excuse to delay hard work; but to galvanize the teenage liveliness to impinge and be of constant reminder that age is just a number. Start now before regretting and thinking what could’ve been.
Funny how people, especially the one’s that you’d consider as confidants, can also be deemed as the people who’ll drag you down. Often times it baffles me how they can be bitter towards the success of others when one doesn’t even think too highly of themselves and overcome with fear. I’d rather be with an overly mundane friend than with those I’ve known (or so I thought) over the years but underhandedly accuses you with such malice and when confrontation comes, it’ll be as perplexing as how they’ll be completely mum about their disdain over me. Declutter – the remedy. Ignore the one’s that disregarded first. No sour grape here, but spending time with the wrong people is unacceptable – Need to fill one’s ego; No regrets, because the impending benefits will be sweet, so sweet that it overwhelms their bitterness.